I realized today that in two weeks, I’ll have to start classes. The summer has pretty much come and gone and I haven’t taken a real vacation. I’m still pale, I haven’t done enough reading for fun, and I’ve only taken two trips to the beach.
I may wish I could extend my summer a little longer, I’m also glad that I’ll soon have a regular schedule full of classes, work meetings, UCSA board meetings in other California cities, and more research. I waste so much damn time when I don’t have to be somewhere. Anyway, the whole summer has gone by rather quickly even though it is pretty long, yay for the quarter system.
This summer has been weird to say the least. I was realizing earlier that I might not know myself as well as I think. The reason I write this is because I always look back retrospectively with this confused look on my face and think, “wow, if someone would have told me I would have done X or Y a few years ago, I would have just laughed… or ran screaming in the opposite direction.” The truth is, my actions are incredibly predictable. I knew things were going to happen and that certain actions would lead to other actions. Yes, yes, I know. All of this is incredibly vague, but I like it like that.
I’ve changed this summer and as a consequence of me changing, my relationships with key people in my life have either grown or rapidly crumbled. It’s a weird feeling to be incredibly happy about one aspect of your life but then look at the other and realize, “shit, I screwed up and lost someone that has been there for me for years.”
It’s been two weeks into my 25th year of life and so far the hype about the drama is definitely living up. If I tried to construct and eco-map — a visual look at the strength, weakness, or difficulty of my relationships — it would look so much different than the ones I made with the students I counseled a few years ago. Now, there would be hashed, or difficult, and dotted lines where once I had very thick and strong lines (thickness is related to the strength of the relationship).
Despite the drama, I know I’m still incredibly blessed. I’ll be okay.
*Amatl is the Nahuatl word for paper; chihiltic is the color red. The title reads: the red paper.
So is it worth it? Is gaining what you’ve gained worth lossing what you’ve lost? I guess what I mean is, do you feel better about your place in life now or before you had your summer of changes?
Suerte con tus estudios!
Yo también, de vez en cuando, me pongo “nostalgica”- Pongo a “Chente”, al “Potrillo”, y José Alfredo Jimenez…y a cantar se ha dicho!! I need to get “Pepe”, though.
And while listening to them, I wish I had some “Don Julio”…(Need to purchase that too!)
Cuidate!
Joel,
I’m still trying to figure out if I’ve really lost something. If I did, I don’t know if it’s worth it and don’t know how long it will take me to figure it out.
In otin ihuan in tonaltin nicar tzonquica…septiembre
Profe,
What is this about days and paths ending in september? Is this some kind of doomsday prediction? By the way, I didn’t know what “in otin ihuan in tonaltin nicar tzonquica” meant so I asked a friend. Does it come from a poem and should it be interpreted metophorically?
Ay. i know how it feels to be a bit sad/confused with how certain relationships in your life have so drastically changed…Drama is no fun. :/
When’s Brenda getting a blog?
She has one. I know it.