Last night I spent some time talking to a fellow UCLA graduate student. He called after reading my post regarding Saturday’s game. Then we complained bit about our respective programs — as all graduate students do. He then asked me a few questions regarding my blog and how I feel so comfortable baring what many people would consider very personal information.

I answered that my blog has evolved to the point where most of the truly personal stuff never gets posted and remains scribbled in one of many paper journals hidden from everyone’s eyes except my own.

I told him that I started Lotería Chicana about four years ago in November 2001. Most of what I wrote then were the kind of things I now write in my paper journal, away from everyone’s eyes except my own. It wasn’t like that when I started.

grad school update
11.07.01 // 11:43 a.m.

I’m gonna leave L.A. and escape to the Bay Area. I’m tired of the smog, traffic and the LA-ness of this place. I love it, don’t get me wrong, but I need to get out for a few years… perfect excuse to go to grad school in Berkeley (or San Diego). In other news, the Diamondbacks rock!

Okay, perhaps my first post is not a good example. But if you go back to 2001 and 2002 you’ll find that I’ve changed since November 2001. As expected, this blog has changed in more than just location, appearance, name and topics. The biggest change for me has been in developing a sense of community through Blogotitlán.

I value this space greatly because it has given me the chance to write without having to answer a particular question, thinking of grades, nor what journal article/book I need to cite to back up a certain point. Instead, I think of the people who read this and what would entertain them. In many ways, I am still thinking of the reader as an evaluator. I also realized I cite other people’s work and shun plagiarism, but rather than do it in APA format, I just link to fellow blogeros y blogeras.

Most of all, this space has been most important for me simply to use my words and get better feedback than I have ever received on a paper.

Happy blog birthday to me.

Photo credit: Otherthings.

I had a rough week relationship-wise. It seemed that everyone I was close to was pissing me off. My mom wasn’t calling me back, Isa set a bug bomb off while I was sleeping, and the boy (aka el Venado) kept screwing up. In order to make it up to me, I told him he needed to get me pancakes for breakfast, so he did.

Late Saturday morning we left his apartment and headed south on Soto Street. We made a right turn on Cesar Chavez Avenue (formerly Brooklyn) towards the Bank of America branch on St. Louis so he could deposit a check. Late on a sunny Saturday morning, men, women and their children were out shopping and running errands. The sounds of cars and shoppers wafted in through the window.

And then I heard and saw something I thought was only in movies like Mi Familia, Real Women Have Curves and Born in East LA. Slowly, we passed a crowded restaurant with outdoor seating. To my right I saw roaming musicians in white shirts, jeans and Tejanas. They played a few notes of a classic ranchera for the diners. Before I identified the song, I heard music coming in through the driver’s window. The familiar bass line of Santana’s “Oye como va” blasted out of a late-model car with two young men in the front seats.

I smiled. It was perfect.

Since the 1998 UCLA football season, I’ve been pretty successful at keeping my hopes in check. This season poses greater difficulty. After I quit the band, I barely followed the games, rarely watched, and never actually attended. Despite the difficulty, I still think 1998 a lot and this morning picked out an old 1999 Rose Bowl tshirt with “’98 PAC-10 Conference Champs” and the Tournament of Roses emblem.

Watching today’s game against the University of Arizona Wildcats feels almost like the infamous Miami game 7 years ago. I’m not even really watching. I’m following the online updates. That might be better. I’d be yelling at the TV wondering why the hell UCLA’s offense can’t get a f****n’ first down and why the defense seems to let Arizona score on every single possession.

Yikes.

I have to admit, watching listening to all the fourth quarter comebacks this season has been pretty exciting, but I’m over the excitement. That was cool when I was 18 and at every home game and we thought we were on track for a national championship. Now, I don’t really care for the kind of game you talk to your kids about and never forget.

You know what games I remeber? The losses. The ones that crushed my hopes — and my trombone.

There’s 6:43 left in the 3rd quarter. Arizona has possession, 1st and 10 on their own 37. UCLA has scored one touchdown. Arizona has six… and a field goal. If you don’t know football, that makes the score 7-45.

I wonder if any UCLA team has ever come from behind from a deficit of 38 points. Probably not.

You know what makes this feel even worse? Arizona is 2-6 and thus far UCLA is undefeated.

With 2:19 left in the game, the score is now 7-52.

I feel sick.

Edit: Final score was 14-52. After re-thinking this, I figure that even if UCLA loses the next two games (Arizona State and USC), we’ll still have an 8-3 season, or even better. It’s not the end of the world. I guess.

Día de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) comes in the middle of the quarter for me, which never allows me to actively partcipate in the festivities. Damn school.

All I wanted to do was fix up the little altar I have set up for Grandpa and Grandma who passed away 9 and 5 years ago, respectively, but I haven’t even been able to do that well. I didn’t get marigolds even when I saw a vendor in Boyle Heights selling them. I don’t have pan de muerto, and I don’t have any of the cute little sugar skulls even when I had the opportunity to buy a couple.

Yesterday while at lunch at a great Oaxacan restuarant in Palms, La Guelaguetza, I noticed pan de muerto and sugar skulls of three different sizes on sale. The small, $1 skulls had names on the foreheads. I guess my grandparents’ names, Bartolo y Juana, are either too unusual or too common because I couldn’t find either name and left without a sugar skull or bread.

Oh well, I don’t think sugar skulls would be a good thing to put there even though my grandparents have already passed away. Grandma passed away from complications due to diabetes. Grandpa died because of kidney cancer, but I know he used to drench his pancakes in maple syrup.

Lori and I sure love our Papá Chepe.

Taken January 25, 2003 at Papá Chepe and Mamá Toni’s 60th wedding anniversary celebration.

I saw Papá Chepe for the first time in several weeks last night. I may not have jumped up and literally gone crazy like VR, our dog, but I was definitely happy to see him.