My mom had a simple way of dealing with six-year-old me whenever I decided to express my frustration and anger through streams of tears.
She would pick me up and place me in front of a mirror. My reflection showed a six-year-old mocosa breathing heavily, eyes red, face flushed and wet with salty tears. My hair looked messy and uncombed as these fits often came in the middle of getting my hair braided or arranged into tight pigtails.
“Mira que fea te ves. Cuando las niñas lloran, no se ven bonitas.”
She was right. The fresh, clean, smiley and peinada me was much cuter than this llorona. Somehow aesthetics were supposed to motivate me to be happy, content and quiet.
My mom’s words echoed this afternoon as I stared at my reflection in the hotel room mirror. A 25-year-old mocosa breathing heavily, eyes red, face flushed and wet with salty tears looked back at me.
Being pretty was the furthest thing from my mind.
!
my mami wld tell me the same thing!
i love reading your blog! it’s so full of detail and it’s truly beautiful to see a family lke yours.
a veces es catarsis llorar.
i know there’s been moments i too, have a been a mocosa
but better moments después.
I would get that line too. Actually, more often, she would use the line in your title. For this reason, I am unable to cry in front of people now. Anyway, I hope whatever it was works.
Este monito te hace reir! Aver, una sonrisita Colgate.
have you read the sandra cisneros short story, “eleven”? it’s in the collection, woman hollering creek. she talks about how each of our ages stays inside of us, like the rings of a tree. so sometimes, when you’re all grown up, there’s a part of you that wants to cry. and that’s the part of you that’s three; so it’s ok. to let that three year old cry. she probably needs it.
My mom would tell me the same thing.
((((HUG))))
Dang I think my ama is hardcore then. Every time I cried it was more like, “¡Claudia, para de llorar! Si llorado resolviera problemas me vieras llorando todos los días. ¡Pero no resuelve nada! ¡Así que, para de llorar y has algo! Que no se te cierre el mundo!”
That’s her favorite saying, “Que no se te cierre el mundo.” But then again, I’ve never seen my ama cry a day in her life, my apa has only seen her cry once.
I do hope the crying relieved some negativity inside. It always does me, a good cry is sometimes exactly what we need.
Cuidate.
=\ *hug*
wow. beautiful post. sometimes I believe tough love is synonymous with our culture.
I’m sure your tears today are more meaningful than when you were six, so let them out! I hope you’re feeling better
Cincy, my mom who to this day has a strong, very hateful streak used to hit us for crying — sigh, not that knowing of another’s misery will make you feel better. But pls. do feel better, cry as long as you need to, drink lots of water (bottled or filtered preferably) to replenish the liquid you’ve cried out. Then when you feel ready to stop, keep your chin up.
I need something like that for toddlers… Have any ideas? LOL
this is a great entry. and its okay to cry. hope you’re feeling better.
Aww..I’m sorry Cindy…pero I hope you are feeling better. I too do that to my daughter..when she is all crying like the world is gonna end I put her up to the mirror and say..uy mira que nena fea llorando..no llores..look at you..and she stops and realizes how ugly her face is haha when she throws tantrums. ..it must be a motherly instinct? lol
I’ve always held onto the belief that tears can sometimes be soothing. Of course this all depends on the situation but crying isn’t all that bad. I hope you had tears of joy when looking into the mirror and not tears of sadness.
I don’t cry often but when I do, I really like to put all my effort into it. So if there is snot in my hair and on my clothes, I’ve done a good job.
i’ve never been much of a crier, simply because… there wasn’t very much comfort for cry-babies (as angie would put it) in my home growing up… so now, every chance i get… every time i feel the need to just cry and let it all out, i do so… with the mirror being far away tho…
Cindy, forgive me for the typo in your name in the earlier post — got too emotional thinking abou the comment I was abou to make.
Marlene,
Whenever I think something is exclusive to my family or my experience, I seem to be proven wrong. Crying feels okay, but it’s rough on my eyes.
Geo,
I have no qualms about crying in front of people. I can’t even stop it if I want to.
Jennifer,
It’s been a while since I’ve read Woman Hollering Creek. I think now that I’m back in LA and have access to my library, I’ll read it.
Esperanza,
Did your mom or dad ever make you take cold shower in your party/church dress ’cause you were throwing a tantrum?
cad,
Wow, that’s nothing like my mom. Ella es igual de chillona que yo. I guess that’s where I get it from.
K,
Gracias.
Tumbleweed,
Oh tough love! I should write about all the times I or one of my brothers or sister hurt ourselves and we got yelled at for a good five minutes before my mom started nursing our wounds.
Frances,
I’ve definitely been drinking lots of water. It was too hot in Davis not too. Gracias por tus palabras.
Julissa,
None whatsoever.
Irasali,
Gracias. Writing about crying is oddly cathartic as well.
Yolanda,
It’s strange what sticks with us as we grow up.
Jeff,
They weren’t quite tears of joy, but they were necessary and soothing in a way.
Mari,
I try to keep the snot out of my hair, but a sleeve is okay.
Tremaine,
I’m glad that didn’t keep you from using those tear ducts as an adult.
Mija I hope that you see the indifference about kids crying. I for one used to get the crap beat out of me for showing any signs of teras. Im seeing more and more that Hispanics (among others) have the tendenct to try to keep face. I find it unhealthy and something that messes in your mind for years. Emotions are to be free. Yes if you cry, you probably wont look beautiful but its refreshing to just let it out. It sunhealthy to withold it. My psychiatrist (Yes, I needed one…uih two…we’re not talking about that!) lol explained to me that the overload of pent up frustrations is bad for me and would result in uncontrolled fits of emotions. Duh! Why do you think I was there? Seems that I had it in my head that crying was macho enough and that I would get beaten for allowing such a weakness to show. esta vien. cry if you want, laugh if you need. Let it out. Its al freedom but recognize what it did to you and break those generational curses that were placed on us. Be soothing to your kids and friends (you do cry with your girlfriends, no?). Enjoy their outpour of emotions. Personally, I find when a woman cries as a beutiful thing. This is not to say I go around hurting women to watch them cry, no. lol There is a beauty in women when they are realeasing. As a woman would see a man being true to his expressions a sign of being let into his thoughts and pains instead of the “muy macho” cold attitude of our fathers. God bless and keep the writting going. You write beautifully