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October 9, 2006

My blog has issues

For some strange reasons, my blog is broken and it’s not my fault, at least I don’t think so. I don’t know what could have changed in the last week or so. HP thinks it might be someone who doesn’t like my ideas trying to hack in to my site. His other theory is that the increased traffic from Ask a Mexican might have done something too.

I’ve had issues since Friday. I’ve submitted a request for assistance with the tech support for my host (siteflip), and checked the status of my SQL database in cPanelx. I’ve backed everything up, but am still worried I could lose more than a year’s worth of writing. Yikes.

So, for the time being, I won’t be blogging much until I get my tech issues worked out. It’s probably a good thing, I have a lot of work to do for school, work and GSA.

Don’t miss me too much. If you do, there’s always flickr.

Filed under: Blog/tech | POSTED BY cindylu AT 7:57 pm | 2 Comments

October 8, 2006

Leap of faith

I’ve been part of half a dozen leadership teams, staffs or boards of directors. As a result, I’ve attended and planned dozens of retreats all about getting to know each other, developing our leadership skills and learning to work as a team. Sometimes the retreats worked, and other times we still had issues. Either way, I still feel I know something about working in a group and bein a leader. I’ve learned compromise, trust, creativity, delegation of tasks and division of labor, planning, communication (especially listening!) and honesty are all extremely important.

I woke up early on a Saturday morning reluctantly. I showered, dressed and picked up Oiyan and headed to the GSA Leadership Summit at UCLA’s Sunset Canyon Recreation Center. A little after arriving and getting some juice and a bite to eat, we followed two staff members Waldo and Kira, out to the challenge course. Some of our challenges were easy and others had us nearly tripping over ourselves. In the toughest challenge, Waldo split our group in two. Four people were allowed to see, but could not speak to or touch the other group. The second group of about a dozen had to have their eyes closed, but we could talk. It was the mutes leading the blinds… and it was not easy to figure out how to communicate to each other. A few bright people in the blind group started asking questions and asking “three claps for yes, one clap for no.” After maybe half an hour the blind group figured out the non-verbal instructions from the mutes and we found ourselves sitting on a log and having completed the following silly tasks:

We all had one small stuff animal.
We were all holding on to a rope while sitting on the log.
Two people had transferred water from one bucket to another.
One person had blown up an inflatable blue bunny and given it to Kira (a staff member).
A couple people had hula hoop around them.
We all sang a song (Happy Birthday to You).

After lunch, we went out to the course again. Rather than play games, we strapped ourselves in harnesses and helmets and did the “Leap of Faith” high ropes course. Three people each served as belayers on the yellow and blue ropes. If they suddenly let all the rope go and stopped belaying, the climber could fall and be seriously injured. Everyone else stood around and offered support for the climber. Kira made sure the climber was properly hooked on and strapped in to his/her harness. And the climber made his/her way up a short ladder propped up against a 30 foot tall telephone pole.

I don’t blame the two who sat out for doing so, since the task was definitely not easy. Climbing up a 30 foot pole is rather easy since you have a latter on the base and then have steps and grips to hold on to as you go up. The final few steps are the most difficult. Everyone stopped there for to take a few deep breaths and mentally prepare themselves to take a step on to the tiny platform at the top of the pole. Once you get two feet firmly planted on the 1-foot in diameter platform, you need to stand up straight and turn 150 degrees in diameter to face the trapeze. Everyone did the turn slowly and did their best to keep their balance.

I was one of the last to go up. I climbed up quickly without looking down and once at the last two steps, I stood with my ankles and lower legs pushed against the pole for support. I said a quick prayer as I slowly stepped on to the pole. Below me, the rest of the group watched and cheered in support. I felt my knees shaking, my heart beating very quickly and would not let myself look down for too long. I looked out at the field beyond us rather than look down as I mae the half turn to face the trapeze. It looked way too far. I didn’t want to jump and then miss it, so I asked Kira to push it closer. And then with my heart beating really quick, my knees shaky, and the rest of the group watching and cheering, I leapt toward the trapeze.

I caught it. They cheered. I let go, “okay, let me down.” Once down, Kira unhooked me and I walked away with the same adrenaline rush I got after parasailing in Mazatl�n, climbing to the top of Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuac�n, dancing for a few hours straight the Izcalli ceremony, and doing a little bit of white-water rafting in Kern River.

Afterwards in the debrief, I thanked Monica (president) for planning a rather effective day. It was great to see us work together, and support one another throughout the day. I told the group at the end that my leadership activities was one of the main reasons that initially kept me from dropping out of school. I can’t be a student leader without being a student. The group made me glad to stay.

Filed under: Escuela | POSTED BY cindylu AT 10:12 pm | No Comments

October 5, 2006

Five reasons why today sucked

One. I woke up late. Okay, we all know I’m not good at waking up on time, but I woke up late and missed a work meeting at 11:30. You know what’s worse? I thought the meeting was at 1 pm.

Two. I stubbed my toe. Twice! First time was getting in to the shower. Not quite awake, I kicked the shower door sliding thingie. Later, I opened up the closet door and hit my foot. At least I didn’t throw up on el novio (thanks for reminding me, Joel).

Three. I was offered another job. Okay, that sounds like a good thing, but in my case it’s a bit problematic. I already have a half time job on campus. Grad students are only allowed to work 50% because the other time we should be taking classes and doing research. Not a bad policy. My current job is great, but it lacks one important thing: fee remission. Academic apprenticeship positions (teaching assistants and graduate student research assistants) get their fees and health insurance covered and still get an hourly or monthly wage. In order to take the job, I have to pull some strings. I guess my advisor was right, I do get everything I ask for.

Four. As I drove home from work, I switched between the Dodgers/Mets game and NPR’s All Things Considered. Neither radio broadcast made me smile. Arnold Schwarzenegger made another statement on assimilation today that reaffirms why I don’t like him.

“And that is very difficult for some people to do especially, I think, for Mexicans because they are so close to their country here so they try to stay Mexican but try to be in America so there’s this kind of back and forth and what I’m saying to the Mexicans is you’ve got to go and immerse yourself and assimilate into the American culture become part of the American fabric. That is how Americans will embrace you. That was my, I think, the secret, if there is one, to success.”

Some other bloggers and politicians already responded with the same thing I would have written (Political Muscle, San Jose Mercury article).

Five. The Dodgers lost against the Mets. They’re now 0-2 in a best of 5 series. I have a ticket (yeah, just one) for game 4. I really hope I get to use it.

Filed under: Randomness | POSTED BY cindylu AT 11:15 pm | 5 Comments

October 4, 2006

Mil palabras: blue and gold

Master of Arts sash, 2005

A few months ago, I posted the following:

While I was waiting for Chispa’s graduation to start on Saturday, a thought came to mind.

My parents weren’t at my graduation last year. They didn’t see me walk across the stage or hear the dean actually pronounce my last name correctly. There are no pictures of me in a cap and gown flashing a huge smile between my mom and dad. There’s not even a picture of me and my sister. Danny and Adrian, my brothers, were the only ones who could attend. (To be fair, I decided at the last minute that I’d be participating in the ceremony.)

I decided on Saturday afternoon that I want my parents to see me graduate again. Maybe that will help me get back on track with this thing called school.

Even after writing that, I couldn’t find my increasingly elusive ganas (motivation). I informally checked out of school and classes.

I didn’t completely drop school and made a half ass attempt at finding mis ganas. At the Raza Graduation, I sat on stage and listened to Dr. Katy, one of three PhD students participating in the ceremony. She spoke about participating in the ceremony four years earlier when she earned her MA. Katy said, “When I heard her [a PhD student] speak, I decided then and there that I wanted to finish and come back to Raza Grad as a PhD.” Nice words, but not quite what I needed.

I spent the long summer talking my issues out with peers and a therapist. I spoke to anyone I trusted and who knew me well enough to know this wasn’t just a phase. Thankfully, I have a lot of good listeners in my circle of friends (undoubtedly related to many of their backgrounds as counselors). No one told me what to do, but they did make suggestions and asked helpful questions.

I didn’t talk to anyone before making my first decision last week. I tried to sleep late Monday night, but couldn’t and got out of bed. I emailed my advisor’s secretary to set up an appointment. I needed to talk to my advisor about filling out any paperwork required to formally withdraw. I decided to be a PhD drop out.

But something strange happened between 3 am Tuesday and 3 pm on Wednesday when I met with my advisor.

Perhaps there’s a guardian angel for graduate students who was looking out for me.

When I woke up, I found an email from Erica, my pseudo-mentor and recent graduate of the program. I replied to her cheery “what’s up, Pucca?” email with a more somber explanation of my recent decision. That evening I told a fellow grad student and good friend, Arshad, about my decision. I couldn’t see his face over instant messenger, but I knew his words “shouldn’t we talk about this?” meant he was concerned. We did talk, but didn’t get too far.

I wrote out some of what I needed to tell my advisor on Tuesday night. I was less sure of my earlier decision and knew I couldn’t drop out without talking to my advisor and getting her feedback.

On Wednesday morning, Erica called from ~2,000 miles away. “You know, I’m on the stay in school tip, but I also want you to be happy,” she said. Our conversation was more like a counseling session and it was just what I needed. A few hours later, I spoke to my advisor. She was supportive, helpful and said everything I needed to hear.

I took me four months, but I made my decision last week. I’m sticking it out. Some day, you all will get to call me Dr. Cindylu.

Filed under: Escuela, Fotos | POSTED BY cindylu AT 12:59 am | 3 Comments

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