I ran in to one of my old students, X, and his best friend yesterday. They both graduated last year, were science students and were quite involved on campus.

I counseled X during his first and second year when I was director of MEChA Calmecac, a counseling and mentoring program for UCLA students. Our goal was to raise the graduation rate for Latinos, which was quite low in comparison to other groups when concerned MEChistas began the program in the late 1980s. The director position was my first (and only) full time job. It was extremely challenging, but I loved counseling and working at the Community Programs Office, which is full of bright and talented student leaders. Calmecac led me to graduate school where I decided to focus on retention and persistence issues for Latino students.

While working at Calmecac, I realized that I wouldn’t get to see my work come to fruition. After counseling my students for two years, I’d be off to graduate school and would no longer be there to help out. But I never really left. I stayed at UCLA and kept in contact with some of my old students. They’ve all since graduated.

Yesterday, X and his best friend, brightened up an otherwise dull day. Not only did X remind me of a great time in my life, he also said something that made me feel like I did something right. He explained to his best friend, “I used to have to meet with Cindy every other week because I was on academic probation. And now look at me, studying for the MCAT.”

X takes the MCAT on May 31st. I hope he kicks ass.

I’ve been in college eight years and have never taken a spring break trip. The stereotypical trip is not my thing. I don’t care too much for beaches and tanning and parting with drunken frat boys. I do like traveling, but I couldn’t afford that during my 4 years as an undergrad. For the past 3 years in grad school, I’ve been (a) too poor or (b) too tired of traveling to want to schedule a trip during the short break between winter and spring quarter.

This year is different since I sort of have to take a spring break. Actually, it’s more like I’m going on tour: Dallas to visit family; Austin for a conference (not SXSW, I wish); Houston to visit more family, meet my cousin’s newborn son; New York City for a second conference.

I’m really excited about the Texas part of the trip. It’s been about a year since I’ve seen most of the Texas side of the family and I miss them. I’ll also finally meet some of my favorite (former) bloggers and reunite with HEOC alumni now living and teaching in Austin.

But New York… well, I think LCD Soundsytem put it quite well: “New York I love you, but you’re bringing me down” (mp3).

I’ve gotten half a dozen headaches simply trying to schedule my flight through the travel office at school and my codo hurts when I look at hotel costs.

It’ll all work out. I’ll forget about the headaches when I’m hanging out with Sean or grabbing lunch with Jeff or hitting up the open bar with fellow students at one of the many conference receptions. I won’t rule out the typical spring break hangover just yet.

Photo from my December 2002-January 2003 trip to NYC by my good friend Chris.

A couple years ago, I ran for a position with the graduate student government. I won the election and became the vice president of external affairs. The next year I ran unopposed for re-election.

During my two years as VPEx, I served on the board of directors of the University of California Student Association, a coalition of the 10 campuses and over 200,000 graduate, undergraduate and professional students at the UC. UCSA became a big part of my life, and I really enjoyed my two years, even when I had frustrating conversations in the meetings.

The pros outweighed the cons. I was always traveling, but I earned frequent flyer miles and cashed those in to visit family in Texas and friends in Chicago (twice). I spent less time with family and my ex-boyfriend complained that I was always gone, but I met lots of new people and was inspired by undergrads at UCLA. I “white-lined” (or lobbied) at the often boring UC Regents meetings in San Francisco. Afterward, I’d treat myself to retail therapy at H&M (conveniently located across the street from our hotel) and had ice cream with Rio at Mitchell’s. Sometimes I felt like we wouldn’t see results from all our hard work and that it’d be impossible to get a fee [tuition] freeze with such a bleak budget situation, but then it happened and students and their families saved money.

When I finished my term last June, I knew I’d miss being involved. I couldn’t just leave the organization, so I signed up to be a part of UCLA’s graduate student delegation for the summer conference in Santa Barbara. I also signed up to attend my third Student Lobby Conference in Sacramento even though I had to miss a day of the conference due to my cousin’s wedding.

I arrived at the hotel a little after 10 a.m. I was still half asleep when I saw the tallest Mexican ever (TME), a fellow grad student from UC Riverside. He was surprised to see me.

TME bent down and I tiptoed a little so that our hug wouldn’t feel physically awkward. And it wasn’t. He gives the kind of hugs you need when you’re still tired because you didn’t get enough sleep, you almost getting a speeding ticket and nearly missed your flight. In short, it’s the best kind of hug.

We talked a little before I had to check in to my room.

“Cindy! I missed you!”

“I missed you too.”

“You weren’t here yesterday. Are you making a guest appearance?”

“Something like that.”

“Did you drive up?”

“No way. I flew.”

A few hours later, I bumped in to the executive director of the organization. She gave me a big hug too.

“I missed you,” she said.

“I know… well, I mean I miss you guys too,” I replied.

Throughout the day, I’d hear similar comments a few more times and got more big hugs.

I knew I’d miss UCSA, but I didn’t expect the staff and other current/former board members to miss me much. They’re far too busy and the organization runs perfectly fine without me.

But they do miss me, and it feels nice.

Abridged timeline:

• September 2003-February 2004: Apply to 5 graduate schools.
• March 2004: Receive news that I was admitted to all 5 graduate schools.
• April 2004: Decide to attend UCLA for graduate school.
• September 2004: Begin first year of graduate school.
• May 2005: Take doctoral screening exam, and pass.
• June 2005: Earn MA in Education and decide to participate in graduation ceremony. Only my brothers attend, everyone else couldn’t make it.
• September 2005: Begin second year of grad school (or year of engagement). I end up being more disengaged than actually engaged in my coursework and work.
• Summer 2006: Grapple with the question, should I stay or should I go?
• October 2006: Begin third year of graduate school and decide to stay.
• June 2007: Complete coursework.
• September 2007: Begin fourth year and start meeting with study group for qualifying exam.
• November 2007: Take qualifying exam. Earn a passing grade on 2 of the 3 papers, so I have to retake the exam.
• December 2007: Retake general question for the qualifying exam.
• January 2008:
  

  Dear Cynthia,

  I am pleased to inform you that the faculty of the Department of Education has reported that you have passed your written qualifying examination leading to the Doctor of Philosophy degree.

Yay. My parents asked me yesterday what this means. Well, it means I’m eligible to start working on my dissertation proposal. The proposal will be the plan for my study on Latino science students in college.

For the unabridged version, complete with excerpts from blog posts from the last 4 years or so, click the link below.

Continue reading →

Most days, I don’t bother picking up my apartment phone when it rings. I know that the person (or machine) at the other line is probably not someone I really care to talk to. Plus, people who really want to talk to me just call my cell phone. But tonight I was trying to watch a DVD and the ringing was disruptive.

The first call was a recorded message. Click.

The second call was a UCLA undergraduate calling members of the alumni association. She wanted me to sign up to host a Dinner for 12 Strangers. Um. Not likely. I have no room for 12 people at my apartment. Oh, and I don’t really cook. I’m much more likely attend one of the dinners the alumni association holds from graduate students.

The third call was another UCLA undergraduate, M. She thanked me for my donation last year to the UCLA Fund and then launched in to her spiel which would end by asking for another donation. The additional funding had helped keep the library open for 24 hours. M discussed the governor’s proposed budget cuts. And then she stopped. She asked me if I had worked for MEChA. I suspect my former employer information might still be in some kind of alumni database. I told her I had worked for one of MEChA’s programs, a counseling and mentorship program called MEChA Calmecac.

“Oh, I worked for MEChA too,” she responded.

“Which program? Calmecac or Xinachtli?” [Xinachtli is the high school outreach program.]

“Calmecac.”

“Cool. I worked at Calmecac a while ago.”

As soon as I knew M had worked at Calmecac too, I felt a connection with this undergraduate working at the UCLA Fund. I decided I’d renew my donation then. I could hear the happiness in M’s voice. I have friends who worked the phones at the UCLA Fund when they were undergrads. My recollection is fuzzy, but I think the students calling had fundraising quotas. Honestly, I wanted to help M meet her fundraising quota more than I cared about donating to my alma mater.

Sometimes I feel like grad school isn’t too different from high school. There’s cliques , popular kids (or kidz), pranks, a newsletter, juvenile jokes, desire to please and impress advisors (or teachers), relationships (people getting pregnant and having kids!) and people who don’t know what they’re doing once they leave.

I never truly clicked with my cohort. I liked them, but my interaction with them was all surface level and related to class or work. I figured I could get that deeper level of friendship from my long time friends. I got advice and mentorship about grad school from older students at work. Later, as my advisor recruited new students, I got to know them too and they became my new source of support.

But things are changing these days and now I feel like that junior who has few friends left at school ’cause she kicked it with all the seniors and they’ve gone off to college. Only in this case, my friends earned their PhDs and are off being great young scholars or they’ve moved away to be with a spouse and are working on the dissertation from far away.

I took the photo above because it reminded me of one of my co-advisees. He recently defended his dissertation proposal and moved away to be with his wife. I miss him, despite the juvenile jokes.

Dear Family, Friends, E-Stalkers, and anyone else who reads my blog,

Thanks for the support this weekend. I really appreciated seeing your good wishes pop up in my inbox (at least when I had my wi-fi turned on). The weekend was pretty tough. I freaked out at least once. I took a walk and played Ozomatli’s “Can’t Stop” and Guns N Roses’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” loud on my iPod to clear my head of the self doubt. It worked too. Getting some sun and fresh air* was also good as I had been cooped in my apartment for a couple of days. I slept enough, but I think my eating habits and the stress affected my complexion (too much sugar?).

I turned in the exam a few minutes before the 11 am deadline. When I arrived, I was greeted by four of my fellow test-takers and study group. I submitted the papers and drank some champagne. We talked about weird dreams — who had time to sleep? — and agreed to meet up for a mid-day happy hour to celebrate getting through some good ol’ fashioned academic hazing.

I don’t feel too confident that I did well. I feel about two-thirds confident (there were three questions). And don’t tell me I did great, ’cause I know my work. I’m done with the crying and I think I’m okay with messing up or even failing. As Blake Sennett of Rilo Kiley sings, “everyone fucks up, it’s gonna be okay.”

On the bright side, now that the exam is over and I wait a few weeks for the results I’ll have plenty of time to write about my fun and exciting life. I know you all missed me.

Now, off to sleep.

Gracias,

Cindylu

*By LA standards