One last nativity scene

I wanted to post the photo below with the other nacimiento scenes, but I had to wait until I went home and found it on the family computer. The photos is from a posada some time in the mid ’80s (I’m guessing ’86) held at my house. The kids are Danny, me, Ernie (cousin), Eric (cousin) and Cristina (friend of the family). It’s never made sense to me why Cristina, who is supposed to be Mary, is standing and I’m sitting. I also don’t know what happened to the third wise man, Joseph or baby Jesus.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and didn’t eat too many tamales.

Happy birthday, Danny

My parents had kids in pairs. Danny was born in December 1978 and then by August 1980, I showed up. Lori and Adrian didn’t show up until January 1984 and September 1985, respectively.

Thanks to this pair system, Danny and I spent a lot of time together as kids. We played on the same summer league baseball teams, danced together in folkórico groups, marched in the same band, played the same instrument, and sang in the same children’s choir at church. We were even put in the same class a few times in elementary school when classes would be combined with two different grades. I was often known as “Danny’s sister,” and I didn’t mind. It was nice to have an outgoing brother to compliment my shyness.

I no longer follow Danny around like I did when we were kids, but we’re still close and I still admire his talents to charm perfect strangers by singing or cracking a joke.

Happy birthday, Danny!

The food drop

After reading a couple of articles, I heard my dad’s Jeep pull into the driveway around 10 pm. I went out to find him and my mom unloading a box and a couple of bags. They also brought the puppy, VR. While I played with VR, my parents unloaded fruit (apples, bananas, pears, lemon, jicama), bolillo, queso, aguacate, tamales, tacos al pastor, burritos de steak picado, burritos de chorizo con huevo, brownies, instant oatmeal packets, deli-sliced turkey, Fritos, and about four tupperware containers with ready-to-eat meals like ravioli and meatballs. Everything was labeled and showed that the whole family had pitched in. Lori made the brownies. Adrian made the burritos. Mamá Toni made the rice. My madrina Chilo made the tamales. My mom made stuff too, but she didn’t label it. Oh, and there was Adrian’s little note (accio, burrito!) which was silly and sweet.

Their visit was quick, no longer than 10 minutes. I was left with a table full of food and VR’s hair all over my sweater. I took pictures of the goodies I’d eat over the next few days as I finished up my preparation and started the arduous process of taking my exam. I put everything away, and ate a brownie.

Then I got back to work. I read one article and while looking through my files for an article on determinants of Chicano students’ retention in college, I found Gándara’s article instead.

The passage below jumped out at me.

In fact, it was interesting to note that while Chicanos tended to credit their own inner strength and abilities for their educational success, Chicanas most often attributed their accomplishments to the support of their families.

Gándara, P. (1982). Passing through the eye of the needle: High-achieving Chicanas. Hispanic Journal of Behavioral Sciences, 4 (2), 167-179.

I’m not quite the high-achieving Chicana Gándara interviewed. I may not have that PhD, but I do have the family support (and love!). I’ve always had it. The food drop tonight was just one more thing to add to this list of the tangible things they’ve done for me. The intangibles are far greater.

Background:
Dr. Patricia Gándara’s dissertation focused on 45 Chicanos from low income backgrounds who had earned a JD, MD or PhD. Her sample was all relatively young (<40 yrs of age) and from working class families. This particular article focused on the differences between the 17 high-achieving women and their male counterparts.

Adrian at 22

This summer, Adrian introduced me to Guitar Hero. I re-introduced Adrian to Harry Potter (he stopped reading after book 5). We both got hooked. We’d play GH against each other after we bought a second guitar. Adrian would play on expert, while I was still having trouble with medium. When we got tired of GH, we’d find a cool spot in the house and read HP aloud to each other. Later in the week, he’d call and text message me with his thoughts regarding the books. It was fun.

¡Feliz cumpleaños, Adrian!

Treinta

July 23, 1977
Boyle Heights

Just married

April 22, 2007
Newport Beach

30 years and going...

July 23, 2007

No photo (at least yet) but the love is still there. Happy anniversary, parents. I wasn’t there to hear the vows, but I’ve seen you live them and provide excellent examples of selflessness and love.

Mamá Toni

This is my grandmother, Antonia. I call her Mamá Toni. I love her a lot. Today is her birthday and I can’t remember how old she is, but I’m guessing 84 or 83.

Last year, I came home to my parent’s house where she and Papá Chepe stay when they’re in LA. She’d cleaned up two old premie Cabbage Patch Kid dolls she bought at a yard sale. The dolls were almost identical, one a little darker than the other. She made two dresses. One was white with embroidered flowers in bright hues. The second doll wore a knitted pink dress.
The dolls were a surprise for me and Lori. It’s been a long time since we played with dolls, but we cherished those gifts. Lori’s doll wore the pink dress, identical to one Mamá Toni made her when she was a little girl. My doll’s white dress mirrored the embroided huipiles I often wear.

Mamá Toni didn’t give us the dolls (photos) as birthday or Christmas presents. In fact, the day she gave them to us didn’t mark any special occasion. But that was okay, the special thing was the love, generosity and caring she’s shown for her husband, numerous children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

We’re lucky.

¡Feliz cumpleaños, Mamá Toni!

Reason #2572945 why my family rocks: theme parties

that 70s party

My family has a lot of parties. Actually, I don’t know if it’s a lot. It just feels normal to me because we’re not celebrating anything frivolous. In a two week span we’ve had (or will have) my cousin Tony’s 40th birthday party, Rene’s graduation party, Nancy’s graduation party, Mamá Toni’s birthday dinner and then Father’s Day. Just two weeks ago we celebrated Valerie and tía Josie’s birthdays.

No big deal. Just birthdays and milestones, but with a large Mexican family these things creep up on us all the time.

Lately, the family party planners have been getting creative. Gone are the days of a simple birthday celebration with piñata, musical chairs and cake. Now, the parties are all about themes.

As you can see, Tony’s 40th birthday featured a 1970s theme. For Valerie and tía Josie’s co-birthday party (they share a birthday), we had a camping party. We camped out in their huge backyard in tents and roasted bonfires. Last fall we had a casino-themed party to celebrate my brother Adrian’s 21st birthday party. We also celebrated my cousin Vanny’s 18th birthday party with a black and white theme.

I’m not sure about the next theme party. I don’t get a big family party until I’m 31 (according to my parents), but I might just want to throw my own theme party. Any suggestions?

Question of the week: Las Madres

Mom's always been at my side
Mom is my co-pilot

As many of you know, May 10th is Día de las Madres in Mexico. I’m celebrating later today with my mom and sister. I won’t say how since it’s a surprise for her and she may be reading this.

I’ve been trying to write something about how much I love and admire my mother, how wondeful she is and how much she simply rocks. The words aren’t quite coming to me, so I’ll just tell a story about her from my “little life.”

When I was in first grade, I talked a lot in class. My teacher, Mrs. Flamenbaum, complained about my chatterbox-ness to my mom during a parent-teacher conference. Rather than tell Mrs. Flamenbaum that she’d talk to me about talking in class, she defended me. She told Mrs. Flamenbaum in an indignant tone (well, that’s how I play it out in my head), “Cindy only talks a lot in class because she finishes her work early. It’s too easy for her. She talks because she’s bored.”

I really don’t know what happened after that. I didn’t hear about the conference until years later. I laughed when my mom told me she had defended me even though I was probably just being a brat. It’s nice to know my mom will always have my back.

La pregunta: Why does your mom rock? Amusing anecdotes appreciated.

Talkin’ about my generation

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on what happens to the children of immigrants in the subsequent generation(s) following their settlement in the US. Sociologists split up the generations like this:

  • 1st – born in a foreign country, emigrated to the US
  • 1.5 – children age 0-12 who emigrated with family members (some researchers split up this group further by 1.53 and 1.56, younger than 3 and 6 at age of immigration, respectively)
  • 2nd – first generation born in the US
  • 3rd – born in the US, parents born in the US, grandparents are foreign born

While reflecting on this in class, I re-realized that it’s not that simple. As a researcher, I know you need to set cutoffs and make labels for statiscal analysis, but if I was filling out a survey I know calling myself second generation would be putting it too simply.

Here’s what nativity looks like in my family’s past three generations:

Grandparents
Papá Chepe – Ciudad Juárez
Mamá Toni – El Cargadero, Zacatecas

Grandpa Bartolo – Salamanca, Guanajuato
Grandma Juana – Omaha, Nebraska

Parents
Luz – Jerez, Zacatecas
Carlos – Salamanca, Guanajuato

Me – Monterey Park, CA

The grandparents and parents’ generations seem pretty simple. Except when you throw in my Grandma Juana in there. I remember when I learned that she was born in Nebraska. I was in third grade and working on a three generation family tree for school.

When my mom answered my question about Grandma’s birthplace, I looked at her like she was joking. There were Mexicans in Nebraska?

Needless to say, I was surprised. I simply assumed that Grandma was born in Mexico because my dad was born there, she spoke Spanish and her sisters lived there. My mom explained to me that my grandparents moved to Nebraska for the same reason Mexicans cross the border now: to work.

A few years later, the topic came up again. My grandma sang the lyrics to a song she remembered in kindergarten. I don’t know how long she and her family stayed in Nebraska before returning to Mexico, but I do know she spent more time in Guananjuato than in Nebraska.

Both of my parents emigrated with their families as children. My dad’s family* went from Guanajuato to south Texas. They lived in Stockton (northern California) before settling in Boyle Heights. My dad looked no older than 8 years old in the passport photo he took standing next to his father and 6 siblings.

Mom’s family went from Zacatecas to Tijuana. Early in the 60s the family moved their main residence from Tijuana to Lincoln Heights, but they still kept the house in Tijuana. My mom was a little girl.

If my parents are the first generation — remember, my dad’s mom was born here — then they’re definitely part of the 1.5 generation. They did almost all of their schooling here.

Can you understand my confusion? The cut and dry folks would say 2nd generation. But they’d also say that my parents are different from a first generation person who came as a young adult rather than as a school-age child. And what about the fact that my grandmother spent her early childhood in the US? Her nativity gave her the rights of a citizen, which made it much easier in the sense of immigration.

I’m fine with calling myself 2.5 generation. Maybe I can just add an asterisk. I’m sure we all have our own asterisks for our families’ immigration stories.

[*Note: my 'unit of analysis' here is the family, so I'm ignoring the fact that both of my grandfathers worked as braceros as young men in the 40s and 50s.]

Fear of forgetting

I’ve been going home every Monday afternoon for the past few weeks. Three weeks ago I returned to pick up some laundry I left to dry in the garage. I took the time to have dinner with Adrian and Danny, avoid papers, and have my mom dye my hair back to a brown much closer to my natural color. Last week, I went to pick up the correct set of keys. When I left the house in a rush on Sunday, I grabbed the spare set of keys for my car. Without my apartment key, I had to make sure Isa or Adja, our other roommate, would be home so I could enter. Today I braved east bound traffic on the 10 and 60 to take my laptop in for service at Fry’s. Afterwards, I went home and fell in to my routine: take VR for a walk, have dinner and catch up on the chisme.

Last week, my mom popped in my quinceañera video. Back then, my tío Chuy had a videography business. The video begins with the information from my invitation. I forgot that I wrote a 10-line poem made up of 5 rhyming couplets. It was cute and I realized that even then I wanted to wow people with my words. There’s the standard getting ready shots. I apply some lip gloss. My mom fusses with my hair (which is funny because my mom didn’t fix my hair). From there, I’m sitting on the couch daydreaming and start thinking about growing up. The photo montage, to the tune of Boyz II Men’s “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” is my favorite part of the video. The strange thing of seeing those photos in succession is that I realized there were things that remained constant. My lips always stuck out and I was always with one sibling or other.

We fast-forwarded through the Mass, except for the part where my dad sang. While I knelt next to three other girls on the sanctuary in from of the altar, my father stood in a black tuxedo and sang “Quinceañera.” He seemed calm and cool, but I tried not to cry and ruin my makeup.

And even if I still felt the chills of hearing my dad sing just for me in front of a crowded church, I couldn’t remember what I was thinking. My mom asked as we watched the part of the video where we danced the waltz, “do you remember what you were thinking?”

I tried, but I couldn’t remember what it felt like to have everyone watch as you danced with 14 different boys and your dozen padrinos. I didn’t even feel like that girl was me. I assume that we’re so different, but I probably haven’t changed all that much.

I guess I write because I want to be able to look at photos or videos and remember the feeling. In the case of my quinceañera, the feeling was fantastic, but I know the almost 15-year-old girl was nervous, unsure of herself and likely trying to impress a kid in a lime green shirt.

[Note: I wrote this post early last summer. It's been sitting in the drafts list since then.]